Mindful Monday: What Compassion Taught Me

I was recently on a retreat where one of the teachings was on Compassion.

At first, I thought, “Oh, I know this one.” I’ve spent years cultivating self-compassion—learning to hold my inner child with tenderness and understanding.

And that’s true. I have developed a deep capacity to offer love and kindness to the parts of myself that once felt unworthy or unsafe, and it’s been profoundly transformative.

But as I listened to the teaching, something unexpected stirred within me.

I began to notice that I’m not always compassionate. There are still parts of me I want to fix or get rid of—parts I judge or treat as problems to solve, rather than aspects of myself to love.

As I sat there listening, the truth landed quietly in my heart:

Compassion is not about fixing or getting rid of anything.

Compassion is the willingness to be present and hold all parts of ourselves with love and tenderness—just as we would a dear child.

That realization touched me deeply. It was humbling and freeing at the same time.

I was shown that when I allow myself to rest in not knowing—to be open and curious—it creates space for something new to awaken within me: a deeper truth and connection to essence. And when I think I already know, it becomes a block.

I saw the subtle ways I’d been trying to change myself under the guise of being “kind” or “caring.”

I was reminded that whenever I try to fix something, what I'm doing is sending a message to this part of me, saying that it’s not okay as it is.

How does it feel when someone tries to change us? It doesn’t feel good, right?

And how effective is it when we try to change someone else? Not very. Who wants to be changed?

So how must that part of me feel when I try to change it?

That question landed with such tenderness.

There are so many layers of conditioning we’ve absorbed—so many learned beliefs about what needs to be improved, controlled, or hidden. The inner critic is sneaky; it often disguises itself as helpful guidance, but its voice carries judgment, blame, and shame.

During the retreat, I participated in an exercise where I shared my personal experience of compassion. It felt safe and supportive. No one offered advice or tried to fix me. They simply listened—with presence.

As I spoke honestly about how I wasn’t being compassionate to this part of me, I felt my body start to relax. That part began to relax too. There was more space. The felt sense of compassion arose in my heart and throughout my body—soft and comforting, like a cozy blanket.

My mind grew quiet. And in that stillness, there was no problem to fix—just presence.

True compassion is spacious. It’s allowing. It whispers to all parts of ourselves...

“You belong here, exactly as you are.”

Each time we meet ourselves with gentleness, we return a little more deeply to our true essence—to love.

May we continue to meet every part of ourselves with tenderness and compassion, remembering that each one is worthy of love.

May we know, deep in our bones, that we are each precious.
 

With love,

Diane