The Song I Almost Didn’t Sing

I'd love to share a glimmer moment from last week with you.

(Do you remember what a glimmer is? It's a small moment that brings a sense of joy, safety, hope, or connection. These little moments have a way of staying with us.)

Last week I attended a kirtan led by the wonderful Laura Desjarlais. I go fairly regularly, and each time I leave feeling deeply nourished.

If you're not familiar with kirtan, it is a heart-opening musical meditation in which a leader sings a chant, and the group responds in a gentle call-and-response style. It is truly beautiful.

This evening was different.

At the beginning, Laura explained that we would go around the circle and that anyone who wished could lead the next chant.

When my turn came, I had a choice. I could simply pass, or I could choose a song.

Before I had time to overthink it, I heard myself say, "This is my first time leading a song like this."

The words seemed to come from somewhere deeper than my thinking mind. There was no nervousness. Just a quiet knowing.

Looking back, I realized that Laura has a beautiful gift for creating a safe and sacred space where people can simply be themselves. I believe that played a big part in why I didn't feel nervous or self-conscious.

I chose Long Time Sun.

"May the long time sun shine upon you... All love surround you... And the pure light within you guide your way on."

I began to sing.

Then I stopped.

I started again.

Stopped again.

The third time, I found my rhythm. Soon the entire circle was singing the words back to me.

Something unexpected happened.

Although my voice wasn't as polished as others in the room, my Inner Critic never showed up.

Not once.

There was no voice saying, You don't sound good enough. No embarrassment. No wishing I had stayed quiet.

Instead, I felt... free.

Later that evening, and again the next morning, I found myself reflecting on why this simple moment had touched me so deeply.

I've spoken to audiences for years, sometimes to groups of more than 300 people. Speaking is a skill I've developed and continue to refine.

But leading a song?

That was something entirely different. It was a new experience.

It made me wonder...

How many of us carry old beliefs that quietly shape our lives?

"I can't sing."

"I can't dance."

"I'm not creative."

"I'm not good enough."

"I could never do that."

Perhaps someone criticized us. Perhaps we compared ourselves to someone else. Or maybe, somewhere along the way, we simply decided we weren't "the type of person" who could sing, dance, paint, write, or create.

And without even realizing it, we quietly closed a door.

When I watch young children singing at the top of their lungs, dancing with abandon, or creating something freely without worrying whether they're good enough, it brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart.

It awakens something within my soul.

Many of us don't express ourselves this freely.

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned it was safer to stay quiet, be agreeable, or not take up too much space. We may have been told to be a "good girl" or a "good boy," or perhaps we simply weren't encouraged to express ourselves.

Little by little, we began to believe that our voice, our creativity, or our uniqueness wasn't meant to be seen.

What if those old beliefs aren't actually true?

What parts of yourself have been waiting to be expressed?

What would you do if you weren't worried about getting it right?

I was surprised by how deeply this experience touched my soul.

Sometimes our deepest moments of growth don't look dramatic at all.

Sometimes they look like softly singing a simple song in a circle of kind-hearted people.

And somehow, in that moment, we find a little more freedom.

A little more courage.

A little more of ourselves.

With love,

Diane

Photo is: My Muse..My Great Niece Maya