Last week we talked about “the problem with perfect”. Could you relate? Most of us can, at least to some degree.
There are times we may feel more confident, aware, focused and in a good groove and ‘The Perfectionist’ isn’t on our radar but there are also times when our inner critic – you know, that negative, nagging voice judging from the depths of our subconscious mind – is front and center and begging for attention.
The inner critic or ‘The Perfectionist’ is also referred to by some people as our shadow, or our Inner Child. However we choose to name it, this area of our subconscious holds the parts that we don’t want anyone to know about or that we feel ashamed of.
Have you ever caught yourself thinking something along the lines of...
“Ugh. I’ve failed yet again.”
”It’s not the best it can be. I need more time to work on it.”
“If I lost this weight or do this I will be happy.”
“It’s not good enough. I’m not good enough. People are going to judge me for it.”
When we catch ourselves with one of these thoughts, our immediate response is to push it away, bury it back down from wherever it came from. But what if we tried a different approach? What if we brought ‘The Perfectionist’ to light? Can we learn to love the parts of ourselves that we don’t really like?
Perfectionism is often tied closely to that critical voice inside of us that just won’t let us rest or relax until everything is perfect, right, correct – exactly as it “should” be.
And perfectionism, sadly, robs us of many of our dreams, because we just won’t get started or we won’t complete what we’ve started.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is once you identify this trait or these subconscious patterns, you can do something about it…-Nick Ortner
At first it might feel strange to love ‘The Perfectionist’ because it has kept you stuck for so long and prevented you from feeling happy and fulfilled. But LOVE is the very thing it needs. It doesn’t need to be judged or pushed away. It already doesn’t feel good enough. It’s longing for approval and love. Judging this part or pushing it away only keeps it in place year after year.
We were not born with these thoughts. They were picked up from parents, school, media and society. These beliefs were downloaded in your computer (the mind) at a very young age. The good news is, you can delete them.
· Think of it like your Inner Child who just wants to be loved. These thoughts and beliefs are in your subconscious mind. When it feels loved it will feel whole. It will heal.
· Send LOVE to ‘The Perfectionist’. When one of these thoughts come up or you realize ‘The Perfectionist’ is engaged, stop. If you are a visual person imagine what ‘The Perfectionist would look like. This will create more space between you and ‘The Perfectionist’. Breathe In, and as you breathe in have the intention to send Love to this part of your consciousness. Let it be free.
· If you don’t see a visual of ‘The Perfectionist’ maybe you FEEL something in your body when you are thinking these thoughts…sadness, tension, tightness, stress. This is where ‘The Perfectionist’ is. Breathe In, and as you breathe in have the intention to send Love to this part of your body. Your body is your subconscious mind. So when you are present in your body and you can send love it allows this part of your consciousness to heal and feel whole.
Love changes everything. All you have to do is have the intention to send love and it is done.
Another tool I use personally and with my clients is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or Tapping) which I have mentioned before. This technique is the most effective and efficient technique I have used to go to the subconscious mind and delete these programs.
Mindfulness and EFT together are a powerful team. If you are interested in learning more about my private coaching program ‘Transforming Your Life From The Inside-Out’ which includes Emotional Freedom Technique and Mindfulness, contact me.
Life is precious and change doesn’t have to take years and years. With the right tools you can feel peace, be empowered, and live life fully.
Yours In Kindness,