Mindful Monday: Never Give Up

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my journey with meditation, my experiences over the years, and just how transformative it’s been.

It feels good to reminisce, and I have a big smile as I warmly recall myself through all the highs and lows (and everything in between!). One thing I appreciate and admire about myself is that I never gave up.

When I first began meditating, my mind raced nonstop. However, I did have brief moments of stillness and peace, which were enough to keep me going. They reminded me that change was possible.

I remember sitting in a meditation circle one evening at a meditation center, early on in my journey. When the meditation was complete, we went around and each person shared their experience. One spoke about stillness and peace, another about a profound insight. One by one, everyone shared something beautiful. Meanwhile, as I listened, I got increasingly annoyed and agitated on the inside. My meditation was not peaceful by any means, and if I heard one more person talk about the silence or peace, I thought I would lose it. So, when it was my turn to share, I blurted out: “Since I started meditating, I have more thoughts than I ever have, and I feel like it’s ruining my life!”

Yes, it was dramatic, but it was also what I felt. I was being honest.

Part of me felt relieved to speak my truth. Another part of me panicked, thinking I had just committed a major spiritual faux pas. But the teacher looked at me calmly and thanked me for being so open. She gently said, “Diane, it’s not that you have more thoughts. The truth is you’re just becoming aware of all the thoughts you’ve always had. You are developing a deeper awareness. And remember, there’s no goal in meditation.”

Her words soothed me. My body relaxed. I felt seen. And within that honesty, I found a moment of stillness.
 
Over time, I stopped trying to “achieve” something in meditation and simply showed up, trusting the process. And yes, it created positive change. It still does.

For some people, developing a daily meditation practice comes easily. That’s not my story. It took me nearly a decade to establish a consistent practice. I had an off-and-on relationship with it—and that’s okay. We meet ourselves where we are.

I never gave up.

During my six-month meditation teacher training, we meditated for long hours daily. At one point during my training, I hit a wall of resistance and self-doubt. It felt like everyone else had breakthroughs while I was stuck in the mud. Today, I’d recognize that voice as my Inner Critic.

One of the teachers must have sensed I was struggling, and she approached me and asked how I was doing. I told her I was struggling and I couldn’t meditate. She said something I’ll never forget. She asked, “Can you trust?” She told me to imagine a flame in my heart. Maybe it only feels like a flicker, but it’s always there. “If you trust and tend to it,” she said, “it will become a bright flame.” Her sweet words had an impact.

I felt relief. I felt inspired to carry on.

She was right. That flicker grew into something much brighter and continues to grow today.

The path we walk on our spiritual journey isn’t straight or perfect. It’s winding, uncertain, and real.  It requires courage and perseverance. But if we meet ourselves with kindness, let go of expectations, and keep turning and listening inward, the flame will guide us home.

Trust yourself and your unique experience in this life, and never give up.

With love,
Diane